Why is it that we find it so easy to criticise & find the negative in ourselves & others?
Most people really want to bring out the best in each other but often this approach falls by the wayside as our well-rehearsed critical habitual voice pipes in and dominates. It therefore takes more careful consideration & conscious control to think differently and look for the positive.
Stop for a minute... what’s it like when someone says something genuinely good about you, even if it is a simple statement like I love your smile or I appreciated you helping out today or Thanks for listening. When you are acknowledged like this you might get a little warm glow developing inside; or maybe you feel more positive towards the giver; you will almost definitely feel a little better and more positive towards yourself, even if it is just for a brief moment. But the more you experience this, the more those brief moments get longer and build one upon the other.
The same thing happens of course with children. We as parents are often so busy that we go into automatic pilot and find it so easy to spot the mistake or complain to the child when they do something wrong!
Noticing or spotting what a child does right, appropriate, good (versus wrong, inappropriate, bad) may change a negatively escalating spiral into a calm & happy interaction which builds a warmer relationship & boosts confidence.
You might say to your child I love the way you’re being gentle with your little brother; Thanks for taking your dish to the sink; I noticed that you were listening to me & being quiet when I was speaking; Hey just letting you know that I appreciated you getting ready for school so quickly today.